CBA. Can't be arsed. there's a friendly phrase that I picked up from the British. Turns out they are actually good for something, who knew? Back to my original train of thought, CBA. It's a CBA Monday. That's the only place that I was going with that guys. I simply can't be arsed today. Starting with work. So many things on my desk that I need to do and I just CBA to give a fuck this morning about any of them. Now I'm in class and again. I'm pretty sure the midterm is going to be one question: when and how are you going to die? The answer will just be "young and violently." That should be in the course description, followed by the phrases "stay away from snakes, don't catch fire, and don't drink bleach." Entire class. Fucking graduation requirements, they're nothing but annoying anyway. What's he talking about now? Oh. Everything in this room has the potential to kill me. Perfect.
Couldn't sleep again last night, I guess I should have expected that. It's the next step in this tango. Insomnia sets in and for a week it is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion, then down. Dropped like a novice boxer in round three. Get a couple of dead hours, sleeping like a man in coma, then it's there. Sometimes it's on fast forward and sometimes the lights are out. Even worse when it's both, but I'm never sure until my eyes open. It's not as though it matter that I know, can't stop it's coming, but it might be nice to be prepared. Eh. Now insomnia has returned, she joined me in bed last night and talked until I was driven out. Fucking bitch.
So I went running. It's getting cold now, once the sun does down. I love these cool fall nights. I headed out to the lake, it's been a while since I watched the sun come up over the water. Laying there on the cliff I was again provided silent and clear time to think. It's not like running. When you run thoughts must follow a pattern, the pounding of footfalls and heartbeat make thoughts say on track. In the trees it's not like that, there aren't many noises out there to distract. Soothing sounds of a midnight forest. I've had too much time to think.
I never thought I'd be so happy to see midterms on the horizon. There's something else to think about, I'm even starting to enjoy studying Japanese. That's how I know things are getting really bad. When I finish my masters if I don't go for my PH.D. I'll probably be in trouble. Hah. There's a research study for you: The benefits of using education as a defense against the highs and lows of bipolar. Great, my life has become a dissertation. You know the true definition of dissertation? It's writing a book, except you don't get paid. (y)
Also, all kids are little fucking pyromaniacs. Thought for the day.