- Past the point of no return.
- October 8th, 2008
I woke up this morning in darkness. No, that's not right because I haven't been to sleep yet. Sleep for me has consisted of a haze with too many thoughts and the flashes of pictures. Insomnia. The movie said it right: You're never quite asleep, but you're never quite awake. It's worse when you stop and try to shut down. The mind is unleashed and free to do as it pleases. You're too tired to stop the loss on control and to awake to sleep through hell. I can't clearly remember the last time that I truly slept. It might have been last Thursday or ten years ago, it doesn't matter. After around seventy-two hours the body no longer longs for sleep, it assumes that it's will never get it again and works to do without it. A morphine junkie who's given up one a high without the withdrawal period, just a going of something that was needed. Ah. The withdrawal period comes, but it sneaks up on you like a ghost. Around day five it attacks and for a good twelve hours you've completely insane. You start seeing things from the corner of your eye and then right in front of your face, reaction times and perceptions slow, senses seem to sharpen and your heartbeat thunders in your ears, there is too much blood in your caffeine system, among other things. It fades off after that to an extent, though the need for caffeine and that movement out of the corner of your eye still catches from time to time. There's probably a point where you pass out or die, but I've never found it.